Yesterday was Disclosure Day in our adoption process.
Once you have requested information on a waiting child, approved the adoption summary of that child, been picked as a match for that child, disclosure is the next step.
Disclosure Day is when a DHS Adoption Specialist comes to your home and discloses to you (the perspective adoptive parents) all the non-identifying information they know of the child’s history. As you can imagine the amount of information you have to cover varies depending on the child and their personal situation. When we did Caspian’s disclosure the adoption specialist stressed how much information there was and how long it would take to go through the information. His disclosure was 1″ thick and approximately 500 pages long!
I thought it was long until yesterday when I saw Diamond’s disclosure. It is over 3 inches thick, approximately 1500 pages!! We sat for an hour with the case worker and briefly went through the highlights, then she left it with us to pore over. I sat at our dining room table for 4 hours last night organizing it into years so I could start making sense of it all. Almost all of the 1500 pages are medical information most of which I don’t understand. Thanks to an iPad and Google I am quickly educating myself. You see Diamond has special needs and until yesterday we had no idea how special they are. As I sat there cross-eyed from trying to decipher numerous doctors’ handwriting, I became very overwhelmed.
I had to take a break and gain some perspective. I began to question, ‘God, why us?’. As I sat by myself in our sunroom, I felt God say, ‘You know your file is pretty overwhelming as well. Yet, I see it before me and I still pick you’.
I broke down crying as I prayed for 3 mothers…
Lord, I don’t know this birth mother’s situation or her heart. I don’t know where she is or what she is going through right now. I don’t know the choices and circumstances that got her to this place to have her children taken into the custody of the state. I know You do. I know You love her and have a plan for her life and the life of her children. My heart breaks for her. Wherever she is wrap Your arms around her and show her Your love. I pray that You would bring loving, non-judgmental Christians into her life to show her Your love.
Lord, I lift up Diamond’s ‘Middle-Mom’ to You, her foster mom. I can see through all this paper work that she has really been there for this child. She has been to doctor’s appts, therapy sessions, and court dates. She has signed surgery documents and countless hours in waiting rooms and emergency rooms. She has wiped tears through some scary situations and through stitches when she slipped down in the bathroom. But most importantly, she has taught this sweet baby about You. She has been Your hands and feet to not only this little one but it seems many others in her care. I know she loves this little girl and I know this little girl loves her. I have not met her yet but I am so thankful for her. What an amazing show of your love! I am so humbled and challenged by this woman’s heart. I pray you bless her, her family and their home. Help them as they prepare to say good bye after so many years of faithful love and care. I can’t imagine how hard those goodbyes must be.
Lord, help me. Help me to be the mother you have called me to be to every one of the absolutely wonderful children you have us. Help me to be the hands and feet of You every day to each of them and please forgive me when I fail. Help me to give each of them what they need from me. Give Joey and I wisdom beyond our years to make hard decisions. Lord, to be honest I question all the time the huge responsibility you have given us in raising these children. I know as their mother, You will not give me more than I can handle and I trust Your perfect and pleasing will for my life. I know each one us mom’s have been called to do hard things. I know that You have big plans for this little girl’s life and I am so very humbled and honored to be a part of that plan. I don’t want to let You down in this calling to be her mother. Help me, Lord. I know I can’t do it but I am more than willing for You to do it through me.