I consider myself a patient person. A while back I learned that patience is something you choose, not a gift you are given. Since then I have really made an effort to choose patience, but I am far from perfect. If you feel like you need to grow in patience or maybe you need a real-life situation to teach you some patience, I suggest you foster or adopt through your state DHS office! Our experience has tested my more than I thought possible. Most of you know we started down the road with DHS 2010 and eventually adopted our youngest son, Caspian, in March 2012. It was a trying process but so worth it!! We can’t imagine life without that amazing kid! We would do it a million times over.
Since we adopted Caspian we have worked to maintain our home study with DHS. We worked too hard jumping through all those hoops. I couldn’t bare letting it slip away. We felt all along we would adopt again so we decided to keep our home open and see what God would do. We were open to adopting again but not really actively pursuing it, if that makes sense.
Well, that is until February. Over the last couple of years we have seen many pictures of waiting children, but on February 20, we saw her. Through Project Zero, an amazing ministry whose goal is no more waiting children in Arkansas, we saw the picture of a beautiful 5 yr. old little girl named Diamond. We knew it was her. Joey and I both felt it. Honestly, in matters of the heart Joey is my barometer. He is my voice of reason. I have the gift of mercy and not so much the gift of reason. I knew it was different when he saw her picture. We both knew this was the little girl for which we had been praying.
We proceeded with the next step which was requesting more information and expressing our interest in being considered as the forever family for her. Our adoption specialist (case worker) told us before we proceeded with being considered for her we needed to read through her adoption summary because she is a special needs adoption. She does have some pretty significant medical issues. After reading the summary, I kept my mercy-mouth closed to gauge Joey’s initial reaction. He said “I don’t know about you but I didn’t read anything in there that is a deal breaker. I still think she is supposed to be our daughter.” I cried. Ever since that moment we have referred to her as ‘our little girl’. Our ‘big girl’, Mattie Mae, read the adoption summary and through tears said “when can we meet her”. We contacted the case worker and said yes. We were changed.
And the waiting began…
We are not strangers to the system and we know things take time. These are life-changing, family-making decisions that should never be taken lightly. So we waited and waited. During this time her case worker would be gathering home studies from interested families, weighing all the options, to make the best match for Diamond. I tried to be patient. I promise, I really did. I only contacted the case workers once a month! (This is huge for me.) We were not given any information. We didn’t even know if she had already been placed. FINALLY on May 23rd we got the email! The email that said, WE PICKED YOU! Diamond’s case worker had picked us and her supervisor had signed off on the choice! She asked when we could meet with the foster parents to go over Diamond’s case and care. This meeting is called a Disclosure meeting. It is where the case worker discloses to us every detail of her case so that we can make a completely informed decision before meeting her. We told them anytime, anywhere and as soon as possible. We will be there.
And we waited…
Here we are a month later. Her room is ready. There are new books on her nightstand waiting for a bedtime reading. We have been praying for her with our kids every night. Still no disclosure meeting and we still have not meet our little girl. It stinks. I know God has a plan and I know God is in control and I know God’s timing is perfect, but my sinful human nature is getting impatient. I know this is a drop in the bucket compared to most adoption waiting but for us this is hard. Caspian was already in our home within a month of us hearing about him, so we were not prepared for this wait.
Mattie Mae had a dance recital. We wanted her little sister to be there. Yesterday we took our little boys for a milkshake. We wanted her to be there. This week we spent time with friends from Scotland. We wanted her to be there. We went to the lake with my parents on Saturday. We wanted her to be there. We just got home from Branson. We wanted her to be there.
Please pray. I need help choosing patience right now.